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I just read a blog at Handbag.com, Smart Women Aren't Sexy.  The blogger describes a male coworker's opinion that smarts in a woman just isn't sexy, and that many women dumb themselves down on dates as to not appear intimidating.So I decided to have a similar conversation with a male friend of mine, over a drink or two.  Or five.  He's smart, attractive, and educated.  He also never seems to have problems meeting girls.  I read him the blog and he told me that it wasn't true.  Smarts in a woman is sexy.  He said that only an unintelligent man would be intimidated by a smart woman. 

Then he warned me that if our conversation continued I'd lose respect for him and even question our friendship.  He told me that guys talk about a lot of things girls were never meant to hear.  So of course, I had to hear it.  I convinced him to continue, and so he added,

"Now if only there were such a thing as a smart, sexy woman.  They don't exist outside of the movies."

Excuse me?  He even tried to assure me that most men would agree there is no such thing as really pretty, truly smart girl.  ...Outside of the movies.  Instead of strangling him, I decided to listen.  This is, after all, an ambitious, articulate guy.  And maybe a real pig.

First, he defined sexy girls for me...

"Pretty girls never had to get smart.  I mean really smart.  They've had guys chasing them from day one.  No one says 'no' to a Tiffany or Amber.  These girls, and we all know them, may have an opinion on most world events and topical issues, but not a deep opinion.  No one's ever expected them to be smart.  No one's ever taken an interest in them because they 'look smart.'  They don't look smart.  They look hot.  These girls are also rarely ambitious or truly visionary.  They never had to cultivate those skills."

Then he defined smart girls...

"They're just smart.  Plain and simple.  These are girls who couldn't survive on looks.  Not that a person should have to."

I stomached all the 'guy talk' and told him he was an idiot for seeing the world in black and white.  What frustrates me more than his logic was that he could share it with so many men!  Am I right?  Sadly, I believe that many guys must feel this way.

What about all the famous, successful, smart, and truly sexy women?  Angelina Jolie?  Nicole Kidman?  Sharon Stone?  Of course, these examples are just the tip of the iceberg.  His response: "I already told you.  They don't exist outside of the movies.  Those women climbed to the top of superstardom because they have what otherwise doesn't exist in women: smarts combined with sex appeal - real smarts combined and real sex appeal.  They're unstoppable."

My oh my.

What I realized in the end is that my friend is just confused.  He thinks that the only smart/sexy women magically rocket into wealth and fame, when really he just hasn't been able to wrangle himself one of these ladies.  They're not all famous.  They're not all wealthy.  They walk the streets, and they're you and I.  

Men who lump all types of women into one of two categories will never meet a girl who fits into both.  They'll only find the black and white extremes, not the greys in between.

Many guys,  my friend included, won't find the smart in his 'sexy girl,' and won't find the sexy in his 'smart girl.'

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